Why Can’t I Stop Overthinking?

By Carly Ann – Psychotherapist

Overthinking is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy.

You probably know how it feels when you’re spiralling – relentless, exhausting, and impossible to switch off.

I’ve been working in mental health for 15+ years, overthinking shows up in different ways for different people.

You may find yourself replaying conversations long after they’ve ended, you imagine every possible outcome before making a decision, you have images of being cheated on or bad things happening, you obsess over the past & closure, or you worry about situations that haven’t even happened.

Although many people describe themselves as “natural overthinkers” overthinking is rarely a personality trait. More often, it is a psychological strategy that developed to protect us from perceived threat.

The difficulty is that the very strategy designed to keep us safe often becomes the source of our distress.

Did you know that the more we think, analyse and rehearse, the more uncertain we actually become? Rather than helping us move forward, overthinking can leave us feeling stuck, disconnected from the present moment, and increasingly doubtful of ourselves. Understanding why this happens is the first step towards changing it.

At this point, you probably feel like you’ve tried every self-soothing tool in the book and feel like nothing is changing (you can read my blog on Self-Soothing in the Moment HERE if that sounds like you)

Why Do We Overthink?

• From an evolutionary perspective, our brains were designed to detect danger. For thousands of years, the individuals who noticed potential threats before everyone else were more likely to survive. Although our environment has changed dramatically, our nervous system still operates using many of the same principles. Today, the threats are less likely to involve predators and more likely to involve rejection, failure, embarrassment, uncertainty, or loss. However, our brain often reacts to these psychological threats as though they are just as dangerous.

• Some of our overthinking is learned behaviour, not because we were taught it directly, but because we witnessed it. Growing up, we may have watched parents, caregivers, or other influential adults constantly worry, second-guess themselves, or expect the worst. Over time, we can begin to see this way of thinking as normal and unconsciously adopt it ourselves. When overthinking is modeled repeatedly, it becomes less of a choice and more of a familiar pattern. The encouraging part is that patterns learned through observation can also be changed through awareness, practice, and exposure to healthier ways of thinking.

• Some of us overthink because of our past. When we’ve experienced criticism, rejection, unpredictability, or emotional pain, our minds learn to stay on high alert in an effort to prevent those experiences from happening again. We may replay conversations, analyze every decision, or imagine worst-case scenarios because, at one point, being extra cautious felt protective.

• If you follow my work or know me as a therapist, you know I would not miss this next one out – Some of us overthink because a deep core belief or and old wound has been activated. Core beliefs are the deeply held assumptions we have about ourselves, other people and the world, often shaped by our early experiences. If someone carries beliefs such as “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll be rejected”, or “I have to be perfect to be accepted”, situations that touch those beliefs can trigger a cycle of overthinking. The mind starts searching for certainty, replaying conversations, analysing every detail, or imagining different outcomes in an attempt to protect us from emotional pain. In reality, the overthinking is often less about the present situation and more about an old wound that has been stirred. Recognising this can help us respond with greater self-awareness, challenge unhelpful beliefs, and focus on what is happening in the present rather than what our past is telling us to fear.

• Now this one is a HUGE reason we overthink.. the role of uncertainty…When uncertainty appears, the brain naturally begins searching for answers. It asks questions such as, What if I make the wrong decision? What if they don’t like me? What if I’ve upset someone? What if something goes wrong? In moderation, this ability to think ahead is adaptive. It allows us to solve problems, prepare for challenges, and learn from previous experiences. However, there is an important distinction between problem-solving and rumination.

The Search for Certainty

I want to talk more about this one because I believe most people underestimate how important this is.

I’m not exaggerating when I say, most overthinkers I work with, will tell me the heavily dislike uncertainty.

Most human beings naturally prefer predictability, and our brains often assume that if we think hard enough, we will eventually eliminate uncertainty altogether. Unfortunately, certainty is something that life rarely offers.

No amount of thinking can guarantee that a relationship will last, that you will never make a mistake, or that others will always approve of you. Yet the anxious mind continues searching for reassurance, believing that one more thought, one more analysis, or one more conversation will finally provide the answer it has been looking for.

The paradox is that this search actually increases uncertainty. Every answer generates another question. Every reassurance provides only temporary relief before the doubt returns. Over time, the brain becomes increasingly dependent on analysing situations because it mistakenly learns that thinking is what keeps us safe.

Why Logic Isn’t Enough

Many people become frustrated because they recognise that their worries are irrational, yet they continue to experience them. They might say, “I know I’m overreacting” or “I know this probably won’t happen” but despite recognising this intellectually, their anxiety remains unchanged.

This highlights an important principle in psychology: thoughts and emotions do not always operate according to the same rules. While our logical mind may understand that we are safe, our emotional brain is concerned with survival rather than accuracy. Its primary task is to identify possible threats, even when those threats are unlikely.

Imagine someone who has a fear of flying. They may understand the statistics showing that flying is one of the safest forms of transport, yet their body still responds with anxiety when boarding a plane. Their emotional brain is responding to perceived danger rather than objective evidence. Overthinking often follows the same pattern. It is not simply a failure of logic but a nervous system attempting to protect itself.

The Origins of Overthinking

Overthinking rarely develops in isolation. Like I said, for many people, it has its roots in earlier life experiences and the environments in which they learned how relationships and the world worked. If mistakes were heavily criticised, if affection or approval felt conditional, or if conflict felt unpredictable, the brain may have learned that constant vigilance was necessary.

Over time, this can lead to deeply held beliefs such as, I must not make mistakes, I need everyone to like me, or If I think enough, I can stop bad things from happening. These beliefs often operate outside conscious awareness, yet they continue to influence how we interpret everyday situations.

This helps explain why overthinking is often associated with perfectionism, people-pleasing, anxiety, and low self-confidence. The common thread is not weakness but an understandable attempt to avoid pain. The mind learns that constant analysis feels safer than uncertainty, even if that analysis comes at a significant emotional cost.

Why You Want to Stop Overthinking

Although (unconsciously!!) overthinking feels protective, it often prevents us from fully engaging with our lives. When our attention is consumed by analysing the past or predicting the future, we lose contact with the present moment. We may be physically present with our family while mentally replaying yesterday’s conversation. We may achieve an important milestone only to immediately begin worrying about losing it.

This constant mental activity is exhausting. Many people describe feeling emotionally drained despite having done very little physically. This is because thinking itself requires energy, particularly when it involves monitoring for threats or attempting to solve problems that have no immediate solution.

Overthinking can also affect our decision-making. Rather than increasing confidence, excessive analysis often reduces it. Each possible option is scrutinised so thoroughly that making any decision begins to feel risky. This is sometimes referred to as “analysis paralysis,” where the fear of making the wrong choice becomes so overwhelming that no choice is made at all.

WHAT TO DO (& NOT TO DO)

Why Suppressing Thoughts Doesn’t Work

When people become aware of their overthinking, they often try to stop it through willpower. They tell themselves to “stop thinking” or attempt to push unwanted thoughts out of their mind. Unfortunately, psychological research has consistently shown that thought suppression tends to have the opposite effect.

If someone tells you not to think about a pink elephant, the first image that usually comes to mind is exactly that. The reason is that monitoring whether we are thinking about something requires us to keep checking for it. In doing so, we keep bringing it back into awareness.

Rather than attempting to eliminate difficult thoughts, it is often more helpful to change our relationship with them. Thoughts are mental events rather than objective truths. They represent predictions, memories, interpretations, and stories that the brain generates automatically. While some thoughts deserve our attention, many simply reflect habitual patterns of thinking that no longer serve us.

Learning to Step Back from Your Thoughts

One of the most powerful psychological skills is learning to observe thoughts rather than becoming consumed by them. Instead of immediately accepting every thought as true, we can begin to notice it with curiosity.

For example, rather than saying, “I’m going to fail,” we might notice, “I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail.” Although this appears to be a subtle change in language, it creates an important psychological distance. Rather than becoming fused with the thought, we recognise that it is one possible interpretation rather than an objective fact.

This approach does not require us to convince ourselves that everything will be fine. Instead, it allows us to hold our thoughts more lightly while deciding how we wish to respond.

Accepting Uncertainty Rather Than Fighting It

One of the greatest shifts in overcoming overthinking is recognising that the goal is not to eliminate uncertainty but to become more willing to experience it. Much of life is inherently uncertain. Relationships involve risk. New opportunities involve risk. Growth itself requires stepping into situations where outcomes cannot be guaranteed.

Acceptance does not mean liking uncertainty or giving up. Instead, it means acknowledging that uncertainty is an unavoidable part of being human. Rather than waiting until we feel completely certain before acting, we begin acting in ways that reflect our values, even while uncertainty remains present.

Paradoxically, the less energy we spend trying to eliminate uncertainty, the less influence it has over our lives.

Developing a More Compassionate Relationship with Yourself

Many people who overthink also have an intensely self-critical inner dialogue. They believe that criticising themselves will prevent mistakes or motivate improvement. However, research consistently suggests that harsh self-criticism often increases anxiety and avoidance rather than enhancing performance.

Compassion should not be confused with lowering standards or making excuses. Instead, it involves responding to ourselves with the same understanding we would naturally offer to someone we care about. When we feel emotionally safe, our nervous system becomes less reactive, making it easier to think clearly and respond flexibly rather than automatically.

Developing self-compassion is therefore not simply about feeling better. It is about creating the internal conditions that allow genuine psychological change to occur.

Practical Strategies to Reduce Overthinking

Although understanding overthinking is important, lasting change also requires practice. The next time you notice yourself caught in repetitive thinking, pause and ask yourself what your mind is trying to achieve. Is it genuinely solving a problem, or is it searching for certainty that cannot be found?

You may also find it helpful to distinguish between what is within your control and what is outside it. While you cannot control every outcome, you can choose the actions you take today. Bringing your attention back to your breathing, your surroundings, or the task immediately in front of you can also help interrupt the cycle of rumination and reconnect you with the present moment.

Perhaps most importantly, remember that thoughts do not require immediate action. They can simply be noticed, acknowledged, and allowed to come and go without dictating your behaviour.

Remember

Overthinking is not a sign that something is wrong with you. I would say it reflects a mind that has become highly skilled at trying to protect you from pain, disappointment, and uncertainty. While this strategy may once have served an important purpose, it often becomes unhelpful when it begins to dominate everyday life.

Learning to overcome overthinking is not about emptying your mind or forcing yourself to think positively. It is about recognising when thinking has stopped being useful, developing a more compassionate relationship with yourself, and becoming willing to move towards the life you want even when certainty is impossible.

Freedom from overthinking does not come from finally answering every question your mind produces. It comes from discovering that you no longer need every answer before you begin living.